Moms: Working Vs. Stay at Home. Is there any difference between us? - Trendy Mami

Moms: Working Vs. Stay at Home. Is there any difference between us?

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If you’re a working mom, do you really know what it means to be a Stay-At-Home mom?

And what happens if you’re a Stay-At-Home mom? Do you understand what it means to be a working mom?

As women and mothers, we’ve experienced over the years that no matter what challenges we could face, our nature of amazonian warrior and our do-not-give-up attitude, allows us to come out of any situation.

Women have been moving forward in their careers greater than 50 years ago, so it is completely logical that most of us feel that it is right to continue with our careers after having children without this implying sacrifice our desires and ambitions.

On the other hand, what about those women who want to stay at home ‘till their children are old enough to go to school or, sometimes, even indefinitely? What happens if their salaries can’t afford a daycare comfortably? Should they feel belittled for not belong, at least temporarily, to this modern female workforce-revolution?

Each woman lives a different reality, there’s no reason to judge if we don’t know the reasons behind the decisions.

To show that Working and Stay-At-Home mums are both doing the right thing, I’ve decided to share the story of two wonderful women who far from being “rivals” or living “distant realities” are, like all, empowered women.


The Working Mom

“Does being a mother really mean lots of sleepless nights, looking haggard all the time and having absolutely no social life?”

This is the story I would like to share…

Being married for a good 10 years, it was always a pleasurable déjà vu for me to ponder the times we spent when we were carefree individuals. Living in a cool apartment in the city, dining around town with friends, and spending our hard-earned money on all things material. Fortunately, or unfortunately, those days have now long passed me by. It’s all a perspective right now.

Instead of managing the fun Friday night restaurant reservations or getting a soiree ready for the weekend, I’ve now moved on with my life in the suburbia, and my #1 priority is to “manage” my kids.

Not going to lie, it’s not easy. Sometimes I wonder, why am I doing this to myself? It sounds bitter, yes, but I’m sure most parents if not all, have asked this same exact question at a certain point in their life of parenthood.

You spend your Friday nights washing dishes, cleaning up toys all around the house and wiping off puke from your new t-shirt. Don’t expect any kind of impromptu movie nights and even a simple grocery outing needs to be pre-arranged. I don’t want to sound all pathetic so let’s be real.

There’s no sugarcoating needed that being a working mom is NOT a glamorous job. Though it fits into the feminism standard these days. Being a mom is DIFFICULT. Period.

“But what about being a working one?”

A typical day for me starts around 6am, sometimes earlier. The kids need to be taken care of before I can immerse myself in my own La La Land.

Once the kids are off to school, that’s when the REAL serious work begins. All kinds of work issues such as taking phone calls from vendors, making sure you document your conversations and then I can finally think about getting ready. There’s barely time to make a cup of Joe. It’s always a tough struggle of either having nice clean hair or a grumpy morning of no caffeine. And I’m off with a cape like a superwoman to a place namely work. Minus the cape of course.

Moms are cranky. But it isn’t for no reason. There’s just so much to get done everyday and every single checkbox needs to be ticked. At least, this is how I feel about my daily feats. There’s also always that feeling of neglecting your own kids because of your own selfishness.

“Career or kids? Kids or career?”

It’s no brainer that choosing to be by your kids’ side would be the wisest choice but honestly, the emotional well being of the mother is just as important.

I actually look forward to getting out of the house every day, contributing to the success of my company and interacting with other adults. No offense to stay at home mom’s because they’re very important, just in a different light.

I still recall when I was breastfeeding my little one, I had a pumping schedule of every 4 hours. Imagine making excuses to go pump milk for your child during a meeting with all male executives.

I been lucky to have really understanding superiors and they had been nothing but supportive during that time. But I’ve heard SO MANY terrible stories from other mom’s saying how they been looked down by their male counterparts simply because of taking too much time pumping. It really angers me knowing that this kind of sexism still exists. It angers me more when people just don’t understand that this is all an act of love for another person in your life.

“Women have definitely evolved

From the days when we had to only fend for the family to current days of being a financial pillar for the household, women have come a long way. I find myself talking and preaching a lot to my younger female encounters that you need to enjoy your life when you’re supposed to but when the duty of motherhood calls, we need to answer them like a soldier who is ready for war.

“I thank motherhood for giving me such an incredible opportunity”

It’s nothing but a blessing for me to be able to have two beautiful children and be able to have a supportive husband who encourages me to not give up my career. Things wouldn’t be how they are if not for motherhood. With that, I thank motherhood for giving me such an incredible opportunity.

The Stay-At-Home Mom

“I’m fortunate that I have the opportunity to spend more time with my family, to be a mom, to fill in the gaps {…}”

So this is my story….

I moved to the midwest from New York about 12 years ago at the height of a 10-year-long career in PR. My husband’s job brought us here; it was between this or London. Then we found out we were having twins.

At first, right before I had the twins, I held on to my career as though my life depended on it. I worked as close to the due date as possible. Colleagues said to me, “Watch out, you don’t want to stop working, because once you do, it’s hard to jump back in.” I didn’t believe them. 12 years later and it’s been in and out [of working].

I’m fortunate that I have the opportunity to spend more time with my family, to be a mom, to fill in the gaps while my husband travels. He gives us a life where I don’t have to work. I love working, though. It had formed my whole identity.

“I was lost in space. Who am I?”

When I had the twins, I had an identity crisis. I used to be so good at something, but now I’m doing this other thing that I have no idea how to do. My husband loves kids. He wanted a whole bunch of children. I was trying to figure out how to breastfeed two newborn twins with this new reality hitting me. I wanted to go back to what I used to know how to do, what I loved to do.

“But despite everything I’m lucky”

I have four children now, who are very nurturing. My daughter was born ready to take care of her twin brother. She’s so naturally maternal. My third is that way, too, she’s unbelievable. She’s a rockstar, but she’s the one who gave me all the gray hair and wrinkles.

It wasn’t until my fourth child, my son, that I had that natural maternal feeling. I love all my children, I’ve bonded with all of them individually, but with him, I didn’t have to pretend [at the beginning]. It was just there. Life is funny like that. You don’t have any say in how this plays out.

“{…} I thought, Okay, I want to get back into work again”

After my youngest child, the one who is always by my side, was getting ready to go to kindergarten — he’s been the hardest one for me to leave — I thought, Okay, I want to get back into work again. I ended up seeing a life coach. I met this guy at a coffee shop, and I could hardly talk to him, I was so full of tears, like, “I don’t know what I have to offer, it’s been too long.” I wanted to step back into this part of myself.

My family was supportive. My children were proud. They didn’t know anything about who I was or what I did before they came about. Meeting with a life coach was awesome because he helped me get ready and feel powerful. Part of meeting with him was literally a pep talk, simply.

“I felt like everything was falling through the cracks, including me”

I worked on getting back to my career. I ended up with a dream opportunity that fell into my lap. And yet, when I went and interviewed, they said to me, “We know you have four children. How do you think you’re going to do this job and be a mother to four children?”

I made it through the interview and left with a little bit of dignity, but felt defeated. I didn’t think it was going to happen. To get away, I took the children on a trip back east to see their grandparents. We stayed at a place with poor wifi, so I wasn’t checking email. Apparently, I got an offer for the job. When I finally got in touch, they said they didn’t hear from me right away and assumed something was wrong. Why didn’t they try to call me?


Life happened again after that. My husband had a health issue. My daughter, my third kid, needed a hearing aid. I was dealing with vertigo, which I’ve never had before. I felt like everything was falling through the cracks, including me. How could I have been working full-time with that going on?

“Motherhood makes you feel like a superhero”

I’m still riding out this whole mentality of: How do I [restart my career and] juggle this busy family? I refuse to believe it’s never going to happen. There is a bias when you have taken this road trip, this detour, the family thing. You really have to own your choice.


Motherhood makes you feel like a superhero. You look back at things in your past that seemed hard, that you were afraid to try, and think, Why didn’t I say yes to that? You want to take risks for your own self-worth and because you have these people, these children, looking up to you as role models. I want them to be up there killing it when they’re older.


No matter what you decide, you are an empowered woman!


Only you know what’s best for you and your family. End of story. Everyone must take care of their own business. Whoever is better or not, if those who work or those who stay at home, is not a matter of debate.

Here are no right or wrong answers. Everyone only does what she can to be the best woman, wife and mother possible. Nobody has the last word. All need accept this argument and respect the decisions of the others, instead.

Motherhood means much more than who stays at home with their children or who goes to work early in the morning. Each of us has her priorities and her reasons. We know why we do things, even when we feel insecure about it.

We all have the same goal, which is to keep our family happy and healthy. Once you understand your value, you will know that, apart from being just a mother or employee, you are an empowered woman, we are all!




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